Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Blessing Takes a Strange Form

Sometimes God uses the most unusual circumstances to speak to me. Perhaps it’s because when I’m wrapped up in the norm, I fail to see His leading. Such was my day yesterday.

As an artist, there are days that I just can’t get it together. No matter what I produce, I see it as crap. I experienced a day like that in class yesterday. My reaction to failure was so extreme that I wanted to pack up all my art supplies and sell them at a garage sale.

I went from that attitude to…”what is the purpose of my life anyway? Nothing I do is worth anything.” God healed me from cancer four years ago and I feel that I’ve wasted those years. What monumental thing for God have I done during those four years? NOTHING!

It’s at those emotional times I head out to walk the mountain in our neighborhood. I have two special places I go to talk to God. After arriving at my “prayer rock” I laid my hand on the huge boulder and cried “Lord, I need to know my purpose…I need to know the direction you want me to go.” As I was standing there in the silence, I began to hear a strange sound…a humming that grew louder and louder. I looked up and saw a cloud of insects heading straight towards me. My first thought was of the “killer bees” which we have here in Arizona. All I could do was stand totally still hoping they would pass and not notice me.

After they passed I realized they were headed in the direction of the path that would take me back down the mountain. I wasn’t about to go that way just in case they were lying in wait! Instead, I decided to take an unknown trail in the opposite direction. I remember telling God that I hoped the direction I was walking would take me where I needed to go rather than up to the top of the mountain. Eventually the path began a downward slope, and ahead I saw the parking lot at the bottom of the path. In that moment I understood He will lead me, even if I don’t realize He’s doing it.

As for the purpose of life….That will be my next post.


Sharon said...

Our purpose in life...the greatest conundrum for me...perhaps I am living it while still in the midst of pondering it and searching for it.:-)Blessings~Sharon

Tracy said...

I know you don't see it, but one of your purposes in your cancer was to show your children how truly amazing and strong you really are! Love you mom. ...Tracy

Suzanne said...

Thanks Tracy. Love you too. Maybe the cancer was to show me how necessary it is to look to God in difficult times. He sure showed himself to me.